Throughout my adult life I’ve always been extremely self aware, the personality trait that (to me) makes a person great. With being self aware comes the horrible side effect of being in constant fear of judgment. I am so self aware that I will think before I say or do anything as to not annoy or bother anyone. I have perfectly tailored myself to be the optimal human being. I make sure to listen 60% and talk the remaining 40% of the time. I frequently compliment people and mirror their personalities. I am just the right amount of funny mixed with loving compassion. My personality is a huge robotic calculation and it’s gotten out of control.
A few months back I decided to ditch the calculation and find out who I actually am. What is my real personality? Am I actually a horribly annoying person or am I a robot after all? The first step was to try something that I had always been afraid to do: dance. Dancing is the thing that has always made me feel most exposed and open to judgment. Why not start dancing and find out a) if I can actually dance b) if people actually judge me c) what it feels like to be exposed.
So I started dancing. First at parties with friends who already like me, then at clubs with friends and strangers. I decided it was extremely important that I let go 100% and see what happens. So I did, and something amazing happened. People judged me hard. I could see them staring at me and had to push through the judgment and continue to completely let go. After a few songs, I was in a groove and I could tell that everyone else was loosening up around me. A few people joined me at my level and we danced for a while. After my first night of dancing I started to receive comments. Mostly bewilderment that I was capable of moving my body in such a way, but also encouragement from people who admired my ability to not care what others thought. A few friends even told me that I’ve inspired them to also start dancing and letting go themselves. Score!
I’ve been dancing, a lot, for a few months now and it’s completely changed everything. Through the process of being completely open to judgment (and not caring!) it’s allowed me to open myself up to judgment in all areas of my life. It’s helped me to realize something exceptional about myself and my personality. I’ve come to the conclusion that as long as I’m a nice, caring person who isn’t causing anyone mental or physical harm, I can and should do whatever I want. I actually am funny and compassionate. I love listening most of the time and feel open to talking sometimes. I’m not a robot. I’m a weird human female who loves to dance and no longer cares when people judge me. Because I rule! I encourage you all to do the same. Your ability to loosen up and let go will do wonders for your self confidence and will inspire others around you to be themselves. Everyone wins!
The last step of my dancing experiment is to allow a group of internet strangers to see me dance with no one else at my side. The ultimate test of judgment. Without further adieu, enjoy this video of ol’ Meg dancing to Yacht’s Waste of Time and having a ridiculously good time.